IF I ONLY HAD THREE MONTHS LEFT TO LIVE, WHAT WOULD I DO?

This has been on my drafts since I saw it from The Katalogue. Hi, KAT! I don’t know if you read my blog but I read yours 😅

I’m used to seeing questions like “If you’re going to die tomorrow, what would you do now?” That seems unrealistic to me. We sure can die tomorrow but knowing it will be the next day? Unless you’re Will Traynor. (OKAY, NOW I’M SAD)

Three months to live. That seems more likely. I don’t know. I just kept thinking about it. It feels like it’s enough time to fix things; to wrap your mind around it.

If I only had three months left to live, the first thing I’m going to do is to quit my job immediately. I love my department so much they deserve a proper goodbye. Not that I’m gonna tell them I’m dying but we have this tradition to get together when someone is about to leave—a farewell party. It will be nice to take photos with them one last time. I’m always the one who does like a scrapbook thing though, I don’t know who will do that for me when I resign. 😂

I’ll backpack to Europe: Amsterdam, Austria, London, Paris, Santorini, Luxembourg. I’ll stay for a month or two. You’re probably wondering why I don’t spend time with my family instead. I don’t want to do that just because I’m about to die. I just want to keep things normal. I will finish my book while I’m away. I’ve always wanted to leave a legacy behind in a form of words. I swear, it will have an interesting Acknowledgement just as much as its content. I’ll write pieces after pieces while trying out different cafés. For one last time, I’m going to be this highly caffeinated writer.

Then, I’m going to send letters to everyone close to my heart (that includes my most beloved Bangtan. They give me so much inspiration) while I’m in those places I’m about to visit. I’ll send in postcards as well. For one last time, I’m going to be the wanderess—with a travelling feet and mind.

The last month left will be spent with my family and closest friends. I’ll pay them some unannounced visits. Everyone loves food so maybe I will cook or bake for them.

I will entrust my manuscript to some publications perhaps. I want them printed out on or before I draw my last breath. I want all proceeds to go not just to my family but also to a charity.

I will schedule posts in my social media accounts. That may sound creepy, though. I’ll just promote my book since I’ll make sure to have everything I want to say to the world in there. For one last time, let me be a framework of poetry and prose. Just how I want to be remembered. Let me live at least between the pages.

Also, cremate my body. Send me away in a sky lantern. Let me be gone with the stars.

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I think that’s just about it. Writing it down feels weird but I didn’t even bat an eyelash in the thought of dying. I think it is more scary to not know when. Death doesn’t necessarily scare me. What comes after that is what I’m actually more concerned about. Will I turn into an angel? Will my soul be at peace? Will I burn in Hell? Will I be stuck in a limbo? I don’t know. I just really want to live right now.

Here’s to living life in the most happiest we could be. xx

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MARK 5:36

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